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maybe.... But, it's hot! It's hotter than a sossidge on a Lion's Club barbecue. It's so hot we lit the oven and sat inside to cool down. It's so hot, when I done a poo behind the bus shelter it clunked when it hit the ground. Dried solid, it looked like a statue of a politician. It's so hot the asbestos in the roof caught fire and the ceiling collapsed onto my iron lung. It's so hot the watermelon I got from the fruiterer looked like a flattened green football and carried a label that said "add your own water". Is that enough to agree with me that it's hot or do I need to go on?? Ok... I'll go on: it's so hot the chooks are laying hard-boiled eggs. It's so hot, when I turned on the shower it gave me a steam bath. All right! Enough! We agree that it's a regular fukken heat wave; and the only thing you can do with a heat wave is ---- wave back. But.. all you golden children of the revolution what has not got fooled, Blue Ring News can help you stay cool this week with a selection of hot (there it is again) but really cool (a bit like deep fried ice cream) musical items.  SNAGS: "Fry"-day evening, November 20, will see pan!c - the little band you have when you need a big band rock-out - will be down at Maxwells Winery for a partially plugged anniversary sizzle. Don't bother with that one though, unless you were invited. A little bit of gossip - a litle birdie... no, just a moment: a big fat half-plucked turkey told me that singing sensation "Pink" got to know Maxwells Winery and some of its staff while the said "singing sensation" was recently in town. You know, I spoke to my agent about calling myself a "colour" name, like Pink, so the office ran a survey and the best they could come up with was "Taupe". I lIke it - sorta suits me.
SNACS... (Sensitive New Age C*nts)  Any-fukken-how, you are invited to this: "Fryday" evening, November 20, is your chance to be cool as fuck because Surf Fiction will be 'rockin' the breakers' at The Brunswick, 207 Gilbert Street, City (south west corner). Fresh from the big Surf's Up blowout at the Gov, these goofy-footed hot-doggers have still got sand in every crack and are already waxing their backs and sacks for a weekend of hairless free-baggin! And if they don't play any of your favourite surf tunes, they will play some that will soon be on your list. Hang ten... but don't hang up , because....
 Saturday, November 21, The Wheatsheaf Hotel, Thebarton will pulsate and groan to the psycho Power Soul of Double Wammy. You will show enormous relief that the author of this tripe has run out of piss-weak heatwave/BBQ puns and drag your blistering arses over to the Wheatsheaf for a night of unrestrained joy and brotherly slash sisterly slash cousinly body-pressing and knee-walking. You will marvel at the pulsating Hammond organ, have your ears whipped bloody by the stingiest stinging guitar this side of that building at the end of Anzac Highway down near the beach. You will be transported ( safely - with a seat belt and airbags) by the restlessly native beat of Double Wammy's bass and drum section. And you will scream with agonised ecstacy as the true meaning of the lyrics skips over your head and out the door, lost forever in the shimmering heat haze. But... you will have a good time - even if we gotta kick yer up the fukkin' arse so fukkin' hard you'll be able to shit in yer hat without taking it off! In other news: It's hot. Onions: Sunday, November 22, get down to the Wine Underground (Pirie Street), the coolest place in the city for Blues and Roots Music, for the HOY HOY DVD/CD launch. Hoy Hoy are the masters of the rockin; blues and will have the joint rockin' in no time. The band starts at 5pm, Coopers $3, Wine $5 and entry for Musicians is free. Coopers 1862 Bar in   Sauce: Now this should be more fun than a burst colostomy bag in a crowded bus... Sunday, November the twoty-tooth, the Semaphore Workers Club is hosting Blues VS HIP-HOP project with Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers and some kangaroos doing the hippity-hop, I suppose. Hang on, I may have given you a bum steer with the kangaroos. I think it's some guys with a turntable and a microphone. No... more info has just come in... it's two turntables and a microphone. And where's it at? At the Semaphore Workers Club, at  . The boys start hippity-hopping around 5 pm and, because this is an experiment, you'll need to wear safety glasses. And gloves and them steel toe safety boots, I suppose. OH... and a white lab coat. And I don't mean you have to skin your poor old golden retriever and make the kids cry, so don't be too fukken smart. http://www.myspace.com/sbjandrobeyers
Music world news: J.P. Pennington, lead singer of successful 70’s band Exile, has arranged an out-of court settlement with long time lover, Ms X, who sued him for breach of promise. “Fer Christ’s fukken sake,” said Pennington, outside the Walmart flexi-teller where the transaction was done, “It’s thirty fukken years since I wrote that song for her and the property value of her playground has plummeted!”
Thwacking a wad of cash in the old slapper’s hand before she took to her heels, Pennington shouted after her: “Anyone who kisses you all over these days would have to be registered with the county dog pound! And had his distemper shots!!”
Ms X, resplendent in silver disco shorts and backless halter, flipped Pennington the bird, pulled up one wrinkly bumcheek and farted before getting into the back of a Kombi Van with the words “BangBus” painted on the side. Looking ahead...Friday November 27: Double Wammy at the Duke of Brunswick Hotel (Adelaide - city) Saturday November 28: pan!c at the Daniel O'connell(North Adelaide) Sunday November 29: Amber Poulton at the Gawler Massacre. Ooops.... I think that should be The Gawler Muster Walking The Line at the Gawler Muster Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers at the Rob Roy Hotel (Adelaide) Double Wammy at the Semaphore Workers Club |
some mighty Blues and Roots tunes with the occasional whistle stop to... well, wet their whistles. Which is what you do at the Wine Underground on a Sunday afternoon, you wet your whistle while whistling along to great music and all the time you're thinking about ordering something delicious to shove in your fire box (train talk). Love me fukken tender (part of a train) and whip me back on the rails (trains run on them), it's a ticket (train ride voucher thingy) to heaven (where you go if you get killed in a train wreck, probably. If you've been good) that will leave you stoked (something to do with a shovel and coal) to the boilers (the old ducks down at the Temperance club) and blowin' your stack (not many blokes can actually do this to themselves - I tried and put my neck out) when you catch (on the full, not one-hand-one-bounce) the Last Train Home at the Wine Underground. I could do with a drink after that - where's the refreshment car? 