Try to avoid getting stuck in the accident emergency part of a public hospital over the Christmas and new year holiday break. What a freakin’ shambles. Sick and injured people all over the place and taking up all the fukken’ room for people like me who were in real pain from a real accidental mishap! Not only was there no seat for me to sit on I had to stand up and hold onto the vacuum cleaner. And the trouble I had keeping my dressing gown closed  - talk about nosy parkers trying to perve on my injury! And sniggering! It could happen to anyone, my little accident, to any houseproud, tidy-taters like me. I was simply doing the vacuuming without my clothes on because I didn’t want them to get dusty, and then I thought there was something wrong with the nozzle end where the bristles are. But,  as I went to inspect the nozzle it accidentally sucked in my boy bits – all of them! Oh the agony…. It was all I could to to pull the plug out of the wall. Then I couldn’t get my duds on so I had to drive to the hospital in my dressing gown with the vacuum cleaner on the seat next to me.  A word of advice if this sort of thing ever happens to you – put the seatbelt around the vacuum cleaner in case you have to brake hard. Anyway, It's all in the past now - Thank Christ. I may be able to pee without screaming in a week or so.

Now… Gigs are a little light on the ground so I’m hoping you will all turn up the the few I can hang up in here.

Get out to the Lighthouse Hotel in Port Adelaide this Sunday, January 10 for Amber Joy Poulton and The Holy Men. Playing it acoustically in a nice a friendly relaxed mood. Don’t mind the fighting and the shootings – they mostly miss. Band starts around 4 pm and rambles on till 7.

The next offering is on Monday January 11 when Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers blast away at the Exeter on Rundle with some of the finest blues and roots music this side of the potato famine. I remember the potato famine; mighty turribull it were. puir little praties all withered up and dyin' and cryin' for their mammies and they's pappies who was out working in the cottonbud plantations, slavin' from dawn till dusk and then, at night, instead of sleeping the had to pull cotton thread through theys own ears to coat it with wax to make dental floss for the rich folks who lived on the hill. Young kids would never believe you if you told them about it but it's time some of this history got taught at schools!

 Then - now that praties is all fat and healthy and dental floss is mechanically threaded through they's ears to make it waxy -  we skip to Saturday January 16 when the Daniel O’Connell Hotel in North Adelaide welcomes pan!c back to the fold for 2010. The panic-merchants rev up the motor at 9 and burn rubber till midnight. A handy little tip: the Dan does a mighty good bangers and mash. With gravy. Sausages as big as an Alsation's turds. Probably bigger. More like a Labrador or one of them Saint Bernards only there wasn't any dog hair in mine. 

Well... we'll leave it there unless some other bands want to send in their gigs. Toodle-ooo!