Fringe; Port Rocks; the Festival, snakes and Ladders, dungeons and dragons... the gigs are taking off and the year is flying! Talking about flying, have you had anything to do with the Excess Baggage Nazis? I have.

Rocked up at the baggage weigh-in at the airport the other day, tossed the suitcase on the liquorice strap and flung my boarding pass in the guy’s face.
That’ll be forty dollars, he says with a smirk.
Forty dollars for what? I ask with an attitude.
Forty bucks because your suitcase is four kilos over the weight limit, he said, as though I’m a thickie..
Bullshit! It can’t be! It’s only filled with buttonholes – I’m a travelling buttonhole salesman, says I, indignant.
You’re kidding me, he said almost sneering. Buttonholes? Have they got buttons in them? has asks a bit sly like.
Of course not! I sell ‘em empty! The customers fill 'em with their own buttons. I say, like he's the thickie.
It strikes me, then, he says, all smart and educated like, that empty ones wouldn't weigh much, would they?   
Well, smart-arse, says I, head wobbling side to side a bit, if you’re thinking of shirt buttonholes, then they don’t weigh much at tall;  but this case is full of overcoat buttonholes and they weigh three times as much - at least! So there!
A long moment passed.
Just pay the forty dollars and fuck off, he said, flinging my boarding pass in my face.
A nice way to treat your customers, I don't think.

First up is a Fringe show of Honky Tonk Angels at the Cathedral Hotel in North Adelaide, Friday February 26. The show is pert near sold out, podner, so go for your credit card NOW! That's Amber Joy over there on the right, in a green frock, eating some kind of electronic ice-cream with spaghetti coming out the bottom,  pretending she's Loretta Lynn. But wait till you see the little prick pretending to be Conway Fukken Twitty! More like Con-away Twatty!

Next is Saturday February 27  when we have pan!c at the Daniel O'Connell Hotel in North Adelaide. What week would be complete without being at the Dan with pan!c, i ask yer? eh? Those other gigs have lost their flavour so do yourself a favour- wayoh-wayho -  and pan!c at the Dan.

Sunday February 28  hop on your bike and pedal like mad you'll be able to catch Mike Hill in the Sidecutters' afternoon session (2 pm to 6 pm) at Mick O'Shea's Pub, Hackam. Go via Clapham. And if anyone tries to stop you, Smakkam and Sakkam.

 Sunday february 28 has the Bluescasters appearing at the Wine Underground Coopers 1862 Bar on Pirie Street. Live music kicks off aroun 5 pm.

 Also on Sunday February 28 - the Port Rocks. A long and winding celebration of live music starting from  somehwere around morning tea (9 am) and running till long after Amber Joy Poulton and The Holy Men Finish up at the  British Hotel, somewhere around 10.30 pm. Walk from venue to venue, take in the music delights, drink piss till you barf on your thongs. It will be more fun than sticking your hand in a bucket of hospital phlegm and flicking it at your mates.

 Looking into the Fringe... Honky Tonk Angels has another show on Friday March . Go here (click that word 'here') for info and tickets.

And... Michael Hill and TheimaGen present On Ego, a kind of theatre thing that makes much other theatre look shallow. Science and emotion meld so successfully that you leave the theatre feeling less like a bundle of neurons than a king of infinite space.
Now, I didn’t write that stuff… I pinched it off of a review about the show.
And I pinched this, as well: Multimedia artists TheimaGen and director Michael Hill join forces to bring you this beautiful contemplation on love, identity and what it is to be human.

On the left is Brian the Brain, a photo what I pinched from the blurb about the show. I don't know whether Brian the Brain is actually in the show or .... hang on a minute! That's not a brain...it's a pickled walnut! I've eaten plenty of them things! You get a bitter one every noun then, just like real brains, eh? Still, I'm sure the pickled walnut has a very important role in the show.  But don't take my word, go and see for yourself.

On ego is on at the Hartley Playhouse (D Building, UniSA Magill Campus off Brougham St Magill) and it has a robust season throughout March, go here (click that bit) to find out more and get tickets.