The Shady Blues Band hold the fort at the Whitmore Hotel, Wedensday, August 11, with Mike barnes at the mike.
Swing, Lindy Hop and Balboa – all afflictions of the feet. Cure them with Blues Avenue Trio at the Whitmore Hotel, Friday August 13. Kick up your heels, bust yer bunions to Sweet Baby James Meston on guitar and vocals, The Preacher Denis Surmon on double bass and vocals and Jeff Algorythms on drums. Free to get in but must bring dancing shoes and happy face.
You can find the Whitmore on Morphett Street, just south of Gouger Street. But mind the scaffolding some untidy fucker has left all round the joint. I tried to trip on it and sue them but the bloke doing the restorations looks pretty scary.
Saturday August 14 you can clear the wax out of your ears listening to Hoy-Hoy!! at the Rex Hotel.
Sunday Afternoon (August 15) , between 2.30 pm and 5 pm, Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers unleash their Double Voodoo blues onto the discenting lugs of patrons of the Gilbert Street hotel.
Elsewhere in the city – the Wine Underground, for example - the Bluescasters will be sowing the seeds of RnB joyweed – proper retro RnB, that is, not the pillow stuffing that’s masquerading under that moniker these days. The Wine Underground is in Pirie Street, the City. Music starts around 5 pm. Coopers on tap.
Monday, August 16, you can catch SWEET BABY JAMES & ROB EYERS at Exeter on Rundle.
Now… it’s my turn.
I was given cause to remember when I was a mad scientist. Some laboratory smartarse put itching powder inside the collar of my dust coat. Talk about mad? -- I was fucking LIVID! Being a scientist I sort of knew who done it but I needed to prove it scientifically so I applied for a research grant for a Workplace Animosity Negating Kit. Got not a bean. Then the right approach hit me... I applied to the Department of Defence for an elephants’ bollocks size grant for the Detection and Deportation of Perpetrators of Possibly Terroritsy Activities in the Private Research Environment. Jackpot. Just like I’d won the lotto. With a amazingly small amount of the ”research” grant dough I was able to hire two thugs who pulped the possible perpetrator, ripped off his duds, stood him on his head, stuck a funnel in his rusty sheriff’s badge and emptied a box of gunpowder and a box of sneezing powder into his anal cavity. I wish it were me supplying his household with new toilet fixtures. A dozen new pedestals in a week, I heard. With the rest of the “research” money I took up a study tour in the Maldives from where I am filing this ‘report’.
Before I scarpered, however, I left a Petrie dish (See Petrie dish photo over there) on the stove. It was my newest evil experiment. I put in a lump of human excrement then squirted in a litre of Unholy Grab for Power juice, a tad too much Unbridled Ego Emoleum and set the oven on gas Mark 3 or 175 degrees in a fan-forced doohickey. I fear I may have left in on too long...
Gidday Ostrayans... I’m half of the great comedy team Abbott & Costello that brought Ostrayans cracking laugh-a-minute japes such as “the Children Overboard” gag, “the GST” joke, and the Workers’ Choice – "Work Choices". Pretty soon I'm gonna be the King and then I’ll give this country a massive dose of what I call the Acceptable Hypocrisy of Convenient Christianity. Let me explain that to you poor oiks who didn’t go to Oxford: That’s when we – or me, because I’m like God only better - manipulate or “translate” stuff in that Bible book to fit more conveniently with our - or my - current agenda. And I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself! Take people like workers, women, nig-nogs, cripples, unionists, teachers and public school principals, nurses, musicians and scientists... don’t take ‘em now, though, I need them... but before this and after the election they're the sort of people I usually reckon we should poison. But not today... Today, by the rule of Acceptable Hypocrasy, they are all my friends. Except scientists. And public school principals. And musicians; musicians are dangerous parasites that should be treated like illegal immigrants and drownded. Music comes from shows like Ostrayan Idle - we all know the songs on there and we can sing along with them. And that brings me to another point: Because I’m so fantastic I’m becoming a pop star, too, like Jason Donovan... but not if he’s a puddle-jumper, mind. Maybe someone more like Phil Collins... everybody loves him. And like everything else I do, I’ve borrowed someone else’s work to make me look even greater. Don't worry, I wouldn’t think of frightening the great slurry of numpty Ostrayans with something new or original. So.... Here’s my first hit song....
The Shady Blues Band hold the fort at the Whitmore Hotel, Wedensday, August 11, with Mike barnes at the mike.
Kick up your heels, bust yer bunions to Sweet Baby James Meston on guitar and vocals, The Preacher Denis Surmon on double bass and vocals and Jeff Algorythms on drums. Free to get in but must bring dancing shoes and happy face.
Saturday August 14 you can clear the wax out of your ears listening to Hoy-Hoy!! at the Rex Hotel.
Sunday Afternoon (August 15) , between 2.30 pm and 5 pm, Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers unleash their Double Voodoo blues onto the discenting lugs of patrons of the Gilbert Street hotel.
Elsewhere in the city – the Wine Underground, for example - the Bluescasters will be sowing the seeds of RnB joyweed – proper retro RnB, that is, not the pillow stuffing that’s masquerading under that moniker these days. The Wine Underground is in Pirie Street, the City. Music starts around 5 pm. Coopers on tap.
on the stove. It was my newest evil experiment. I put in a lump of human excrement then squirted in a litre of Unholy Grab for Power juice, a tad too much Unbridled Ego Emoleum and set the oven on gas Mark 3 or 175 degrees in a fan-forced doohickey. I fear I may have left in on too long...
Gidday Ostrayans... I’m half of the great comedy team Abbott & Costello that brought Ostrayans cracking laugh-a-minute japes such as “the Children Overboard” gag, “the GST” joke, and the Workers’ Choice – "Work Choices". Pretty soon I'm gonna be the King and then I’ll give this country a massive dose of what I call the Acceptable Hypocrisy of Convenient Christianity. Let me explain that to you poor oiks who didn’t go to Oxford: That’s when we – or me, because I’m like God only better - manipulate or “translate” stuff in that Bible book to fit more conveniently with our - or my - current agenda. And I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself! Take people like workers, women, nig-nogs, cripples, unionists, teachers and public school principals, nurses, musicians and scientists... don’t take ‘em now, though, I need them... but before this and after the election they're the sort of people I usually reckon we should poison. But not today... Today, by the rule of Acceptable Hypocrasy, they are all my friends. Except scientists. And public school principals. And musicians; musicians are dangerous parasites that should be treated like illegal immigrants and drownded. Music comes from shows like Ostrayan Idle - we all know the songs on there and we can sing along with them. And that brings me to another point: Because I’m so fantastic I’m becoming a pop star, too, like Jason Donovan... but not if he’s a puddle-jumper, mind. Maybe someone more like Phil Collins... everybody loves him. And like everything else I do, I’ve borrowed someone else’s work to make me look even greater. Don't worry, I wouldn’t think of frightening the great slurry of numpty Ostrayans with something new or original. So.... Here’s my first hit song....