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Red Hot and Blue leads the chrge Print E-mail
Monday, 09 December 2013

Sample ImageBlues and Swing Dancers alert:   The Red Hot Blues Band at the Whitmore Hotel, City, Friday, December 13.









Sample ImageNext week, Thursday, December 19, the fabulous Texettes play the Exeter on Rundle. Currently enjoying two consecutive weeks at number 4 on the Great Southern Chart with Eldorado.





Sample ImageFriday December 20: the Wheatsheaf Hotel Thebarton presents The Beggars:  The Beggars are Renee Donaghey, Stuart Day and Quinton Dunne, their distinct Australian sound has taken them to the top of the European country music charts and onto the stages of Europe and Australia’s festivals and theatres. And the Wheatie.





Sample ImageThe Dunstans at the brew Boys, Saturday December 21. The Brew Boys is located at 151 Regency Rd, Croydon Park, SA 5008








Sample ImageSaturday December 21 the Lone Rangers get together for a Christmas Party at the Brunswick Hotel Saloon Room (207 Gilbert Street, City) kicking off at 78.30 pm.







Sample ImageSweet Baby James and Rob Eyers treat the Gilbert Street Hotel to a massive dose of double voodoo blues on Sunday December 22.







Sample ImageTuesday December 24, Santa Claus gets his first – and last - gig for the year.



Sample ImageBoxing Day with The Lonely Cosmonauts at the Wheatie

Sample ImageThe Lonely Cosmonauts don't fit into any category and are not part of any movement. They play blues; deep blues, from voices and slide guitar. They play Gospel. Six male voices giving it their all. Call and answer vocals in the real tradition of the genre. They love to sing. They play country but find Lee Kernaghan and his ilk repulsive. They do covers but the bulk of their material is original. They have a sense of humour and fun but their music is soulful and heartfelt. Enough said. Go to it.






Sample ImageFriday December 27: Funhouse of Blues at the Wheatie

Funhouse of Blues is one of Australia's most authentic, smokin', kickin', groovin’, swingin' bands in the genres' of Blues, Swing, Boogie, R'n'B, old school Music.
Formed by former London based Master Blues drummer Enrico Mick Morena.....it is a group of all-star Musicians who tend to fly under the radar.....but not any more. https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Funhouse-of-Blues/372404769557769




Sample ImageFriday December 27 and it’s the Red Hot Blues Band at the Semaphore Workers Club. Get ready for some hot times at the Semmy4 club with the Red Hot boys sparking on all plugs!








Sample ImageSunday December 29 – Amber Joy Poulton and the Holy Men present Boots – Country music from the cradle to the grave at the sea rescue place, West Beach. Just read this: Amber Joy and The Holy Men present Boots – Country Music from the Cradle to the Grave; it’s a ripper show. And good, as well. Airing at the Railway Country Music Club at the SA Sea Squadron, Barcoo Road,  West Beach.  Matinee 1 – 5 pm;    and do this: call Trish Hamilton 0413 522 516 for info and bookings.








Sample ImageGo here: http://www.thegov.com.au/gig-guide.html  for The Gov Gig Guide.





Sample Image   A Fringe show to go to: Pastor Cash... go here:  http://www.adelaidefringe.com.au/fringetix/pastor-cash-and-his-ministry-of-money-revival-show/1c2659a5-f855-40d2-99b5-febd0ea8161a ... for info and ticketing.







Sheerluck fukkn Holmes and the shark attack

“Ring; ring,” went the telephone.

“I say, err… Hullo, Hmph, Ahem… Dr Watson speaking on this end of the telephone line. Who is calling?”

“Watson… are you very busy at the moment?”

“Holmes! My dear chappie…. Well, yes and er, no. I’m in the middle of a spinal graft on a VIP politician but I may as well give it up.”

“The fukker died on the operating table?”

“Ho ho, Holmes… not that lucky, my good fellow. No…there’s nothing in his back to graft anything to.”

“Right, then, Watson, pack for a long journey and get your fat arse around to 21B Baker Street. The game’s a-thirty point four eight centimetres.”


In a few short minutes: “Knock, knock!”

“Come in Watson… I hope you have prepared for a substantial journey by horse and landau carriage…”

“Yes, Holmes. I have packed my pyjamas, toothbrush, teddy bear and haemorrhoid cream. Where are we going?”

“There has been a ghastly murder up north, in the Yorkshire Dales.

“Wensleydale? Arkengarthdale, Airedale…?”

“Not quite so chocolate-box a location, Watson. We are going to a farming region in West York, into the dales where spuds are produced to supply the fish shops in Filey, colloquially known as the Chippendales.  According to inspector Lestrade, who is on the scene, a farmer has suffered a shark attack.”

“In the Chippendales?”

“Yes. And on many other parts of his body, too Watson.”

“A shark attack???”

“Apparently, Watson. The injuries are indeed not inconsistent with a piscatorial pig-out on a person.”

“You’ve seen the injuries…?”

“Yes Watson, thanks to the latest development in forensic and communications technology by the West Riding Constabulary. The Yorkies make a daguerreotype image of the crime scene and fly it down to The Yard by carrier pigeon – an extremely strong, Yorkshire-bred pigeon. They call it Eeee-bah-goom-mail.”

“I say…”

“And I sometimes wish you wouldn’t, Watson. But this is going to be a bum- and brain-buster  of a journey – I have deduced it will be a six-syringer  - and have made appropriate arrangements. Look here…. in order to keep my syringes at room temperature I have devised a thermo-box – an insulated container that will hold six syringes in an upright and accessible position. “

“Fascinating, Holmes, but why are there tubes connected to it?”

“This is the ingenious part, Watson. I have invented a heat exchange apparatus. This hermetically sealed vessel,” explained Holmes, hoisting a cast-iron flask about the size of a Howitzer shell,  “ …which is connected to  the other end of those tubes absorbs heat from its surrounding environment and transfers it onto a coil of metal tubing - inside the container - that is filled with  an isopentyl acetate solution. The temperature differential causes the thermally-reactive solution to flow and thus shift the heat to the other end of the tube which is connected to a similar coil ensconced in the box’s insulating walls, providing the required calorific enhancement.”

“Why, Holmes… that’s brilliant!”

“If I don’t fukken say so myself, Watson; yes. It’s brill. Now… let’s away to the Chippendales; the horse and landau is waiting in the back lane.”

In the laneway Holmes tightly roped down the two overnight valises to the carriage and handed the thermo-box to Watson.

“Jam this firmly under the seat Watson, my good chappie, and then use this leather strap to fix yourself firmly to your seat.”

“I say…”

“I asked you not to, Watson. Now… grasp the horse’s reins firmly and hold on to your scrotum…”

“But why, Holmes?”

“Well, Watson,” said Holmes manoeuvring the large canister, “When I shove this heat exchanger up that horses arse I deduce he will take off like a fukken huge Chinese firework.”

SHOVE; SCHLURP!  … “??Whinny??” … P’TCHOWWWWWWwwwwwwwww!


And so it was that Holmes and Watson covered the distance from London to the West Ridings with remarkable alacrity and an unaccounted number of roadkill.


“Thanks for getting here so quickly, Holmes,” Lestrade mumbled. “Have a close look at the carcase and tell me what you think.”

“Hmm, hurrrr, hmmm and triple hmmm,” said Holmes as he viewed the verdant and fertile crime scene and the bloodied remains while scratching his chops.  “Most interesting case. Was the victim, perchance, a single farmer of retiring age, with no children, Lestrade?”

“Why, yes, Holmes! That is absolutely astonishing. What else can you deduce?”

“That the man has been skinned alive and totally eviscerated and left to exsanguinate; that he is the victim of a particularly nasty and bloodthirsty shark attack – a land shark!”

“Ohhh!” and “Gasp” and intakes of breath in an astounded manner.

“I deduce the victim was attempting to retire on the proceeds he hoped to raise by selling his farm when he was no longer able to work it;  he was shortly and recently set upon by a real estate agent with an eye to a prime subdivision estate and who has recognised real bucolic innocence, rubbed his paws with glee and smartly fukked over the farmer in this heartless fashion. Watson, would you go to the landau for me?”

“Certainly, Holmes. Will this be a one-syringe or two-syringe problem?”

“Neither Watson, it’s a piece of piss. Just bring back my cheque book; I want to put a deposit on the block with the best river frontage before any other fukker does.”

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