How are your Thursday nights going? I hope they are not boring. Dull. Same-ol'; same-ol'. A drag. Not another evening before Friday, etc atc. Well, if they are and you don't much care for them, you can do something about it. Easy as!. Just sit down and make yourself comfortable; now look into my eyes (here's a couple you can stare at:   i ... i ) and relax. You are feeeling tired and sleepy, you are nearly asleeep - like you usually are at 9.pm on a Thursday night. You are now asleep and relaxed. Listen to my voice (it's really deep and sonorous, in case you need some help hearing me) I want you to imagine you are getting dressed on Thursday evening April 2 to go out for a fabulous night at The Kentish Arms to see and listen to the John Schumann (photo of Living Music Heritage icon at  left) Band. At the  Kentish Arms, I said. Just relax... If you don't  know where it is I will tell you... It's in Stanley Street North Aelaide. Now, just relax again. In your mind you can see yourself having a rocking good time, chucking down beers - in a very responsible manner - and ducking out to the smokers' area for a durrie and a chat in the break. Lovely. You know you want to go there and do all those fantastic, even slighly guilty things. So... you can now see yourself putting your hand into your pocket and taking out the money to pay for it. It's quite alright... you can do it - unless you're a Victorian Penguin in which case your little arms might not be long enough to reach into your pockets. But you are a bold and brave South Aussie with a generous heart so you see yourself happily coughing up the dosh, buying the beer and the other stuff that makes a night out a... er,  a night out. Now, see your self standing on the table and yelling your face off mere seconds before you slip and fall and crack your.... just a moment; I seemed to have skipped a page or two in the Hypocritical Hypnotists Handbook. Here we are.... You see yourself.... see yourself... got it!... you see yourself embracing John Schumann and the Band and inviting them back to your place for beer and pizza in the spa. Now relax. It is all safely planted in your mind.

When I count to three and snap my fingers you will wake up, refreshed and relaxed and we'll see you on  Thursday night April 2 at the Kentish Arms. Ok? Or next time, I will hypnotise you into thinking you are a Rubik's cube with a bad back and you've just been given to a geek for his birthday!

One, coming up, gentle and relaxed; two, nearly awake, feeling fine; three, you are awake and feeling great. See you thursday.  "Snap!"

Here's some pictures from the previous gigs to accompany the post-hypnotice doohickey I just planted in your nut.    (Right) Kat Kraus and John Schumann - superb work together, and (Below), The John Schumann band all apparently awake and paying attention (even though it doesn't look like it).

 But wait.... there's more.

Saturday night, April 4 it's back to The Dan for pan!c, the red-drink fuelled pop three-piece band. Garner, Hill and The Preacher will be at the Daniel O'Connell Hotel in North Adelaide, jumping about like a trio of fleas with St Vitus' dance. Only, because they are musicians, they won't be in time with the music. They will be all over the place like a trio of coked-up meerkats with St Virulent's spasms. But serioulsy, it will be more entertaining than watching a dog lick its bollocks.

But only just.  Especially if it's Wingnut - he's only got one ball!

ONLY KIDDING! It will be excellent!

And for a set of steak knives....

Just get your sorry asrses down to Mick O'Sheas at Hackham on Sunday Arvo, April 5 - that's right, you heard it correctly - Sunday Arvo April 5 - to spend the afternoon with The Sidecutters. Who the fuck are the Sidecutters? I heard you ask. And let that be somewhat of a gentle warning to you - I can hear you. And see you, especially when you're in the bathroom. So ... just a heads-up, that's all; nothing to worry about.  Just be careful what you say and do - especially in the bathroom!   The Sidecutters is Michael "O'Halloran" Hill out of The Grouse and pan!c,  and Denis The Preacher Surmon out of pan!c and... the  Grouse.   Economic cutbacks, job losses and all that. So we're working 2-piece. If things get any worse we'll soon be working one-piece, then when it gets really tough and the the fees for bosses kid's private schools loom due, we'll be working no-piece.The thought of that makes me want to cry but...  I can't - I'm in the middle of peeling a kilo of prawns and my hands are covered with all red prawnhead shit that'll stain me hanky if I have to wipe my eyes.

Anyway.. let's all cheer up now and sing on the top edge of the note. Ecveything will be fine if you just do as I suggest. Thursday - Kentish Arms; Saturday - The Daniel O'Connell and Sunday - Mick O'Sheas.