Easter Time - Bah! and Humbug! Hang on a minute... that goes with some other Christian festival. Try again: Easter Time .... whoopty-fukken-doo! I caught a rabbit nibbling a bunch of rockmelons in my garden this morning so I pounced on the little turd and was about to snap his C4 verterbra when he yelled out "No! Stop!".  "What the..." thought I.    "Please dont throw me in the briar patch," the skanky rodent whined. "I won't," I said, nicely. "I'm gonna wring your fukken neck!"   "No!" Squealed my captive, "... for I am the Easter Bunny."   "Bullshit!"    "Nah! I really am," replied the hairy little scruff. "Prove it. Now!" I demanded. "OK. Put me in a nice warm and cuddly basket and I will lay you some Easter eggs."

I didn't have a nice warm and cuddly basket so I settled him on the end of the bed left him in peace. I came back an hour later to find the little arsehole had covered the bed with a couple of hundred greasy, stinky rabbit tods. 

Still, I all turned out well. I found an excellent recipe for roast rabbit with olives on the internet. And with winter now approaching at the speed of an Adelaide train, I am fashioning myself a pair of snuggly rabbit-skin mittens. They won't be ready in time to wear them at Finn McCool's on Easter Saturday to see the Grouse in action with Craig "Maximum Intensity" Rodda on the drum stool but the music will be so hot and rocking that gloves won't be needed  - rabbit or rubber!  Live music starts at 9  pm; be there to see Mr Stuart "Daisy" Day remove the prophylactic and ride his guitar bareback and screaming! The Preacher will do what he usually does: drop silent smelly farts and hope the drummer gets the blame. See you there.

By the way, I stuck one of the rabbits eyeballs on the end of the pencil I am using to write this crap - before you say anything it's a special "Internetty" type of pencil and If you haven't got one then you're obvioulsy not an early uptaker of cutting edge technology - anyway,  it's on the end of my pencil and although it doesn't erase as well as the backspace button it does make a nice bouncy-bounce sound when you tap it on your teeth while you have a little think. 

And I found a use for his little arsehole - it's a scrunchy for the tuft of hairs growing out of that big mole on my back. All neat and sweet back there now.