While things seem quiet and dull in these dire days of recession, depresion and obsession - obsession with recession and depression that is - at the end of the dark and dreary tunnel there is a little light. Yes, a little light of hope. And fun. And maybe even a smile and a pink tongue to lick away the bitter- sweet tears of emotional turmoil that have trickled and tickled down your sad cheeks and into the  care-worn creases of your .... fuck this. Now I'm getting depressed.  So, to beat these depression blues I will be hauling my cellulite-dimpled fat arse along to the Daniel O'connell Hotel in North Adelaide this Saturday April 25 to have gut-wobbling fun with pan!c, the pop three-some that lets you fiddle with all holes. Did I just say that? What the hell is wrong with me? I need to see someone about that. But not till after I've carried on like an unregistered dog on Saturday Night, April 25, with pan!c at the Daniel O'connell Hotel.

Sunday April 26 is another thing altogether. Nursing a bilious hangover and a hairy, prickly bag of guilt, i will make my sorry way to the Emu Hotel at MorphettVale where I will sample the fine musical offerings the Grouse has ready to serve up.  Redemption is but a pint of beer away. Maybe two or even three pints but what does it matter? Who's counting?  Well, the cops are, of course. They are counting on you being as full as Myf Warhurst's bra and trying to drive your car one-eyed and legless. So... drink responsibly when you attend a Grouse gig. Tip evey third drink into your handbag or wallet and enjoy it later when you're safe at home.   Live music starts around 7.30 pm and rocks till 11.30.

DO YOUR BALLS SWING LOW...

 Can you tie 'em in a knot; can you tie 'em in a bow? Well, if you get your rubber legs and your flailing arms down to the Wheatsheaf Hotel at Thebarton on Wednesday April 29, you will get the opportunity to discover how the many and various pendulous parts of your body swing because Blues Avenue - that stomping, shouting mighty-good swing band featuring James Meston and The Preacher Denis Surmon - will be beating you daddy - and mummy (no discrimination when it comes to this kind of beating) - 8 to the bar!    Excuse me while a take a breath; that was a very long sentence. I could have used more punctuation to break it up but I have overshsot my punctuation quota for the month. I get 5 dogabytes or something on the current plan. I am trying to get punctuation on broadband but the telstra guy is still laying the cable in our street.

I've left that one for you. I set it up, but I'm not going to touch it.

Now, where was I...?  I was Swinging the Blues at the Wheatsheaf Hotel on Wednesday night April 29, that's where I was! And I want you to be there too. We - Blues Avenue -  have been fortunate and honoured   to have teamed up with The Swing Sesh Dance School, led by Chris Harm and Meral Nieman who know the real reasons why Lindy Hopped and why the Balboa isn't Rocky ----it's because it SWINGS!   I am seriously going to have to quit before I write something stupid.

Anyway.... Folks - it's free. Abso-fukken-lootely free. And you can't get cheaper than that for a night's entertainment and wild dancing. And if you think you can, come along to the Wheatie next Wednesday and tell me about it. I'd love to hear it, truly, I would, (Like fuck, I would!)  BIg Finish:    Blues Avenue kicks off around 8pm or whenever The Preacher manages to sort out the PA.    Swing  'em High at the  Wheatie, Wednesdy April Twenny noine!