If you like live music - if you don't there's something not right about you - then this is the weekend for you! Double Wammy; Blues Avenue; pan!c and the Grouse all get a guernsey. Venues are: the Semaphore Workers Club; The Norwood Hotel; Bacchus Bar and The Sea and Vines festival (Maxwells Winery).

The weekend of fun will be starting with:

Friday night, June 5, Double Wammy will be ripping up the carpet at the Semaphore Workers Club at Semaphore. This Double Wammy special event features the drumming power of Jeff Agates Algra - the drummer with nuts of rock! And he'll fukkin' need 'em because he was only given 2 days to learn all the DW shit!!! So come on down to the Semaphore Workers Club on Friday June 5 to see how Algra handles the pressure. Note that the Semmy Workers Club is located at Semaphore - it's not a club for workers who live at Semaphore - it's for everyone who likes live music and it is ihe home of Roots and Blues music in South Australia. All lovers of live music are welcome because that's what you get - good music played right in front of you - while you fuggin' wait! So, while the best numpty-land has to offer is electronic leeches plying their digitally-generated doof-doof to cloth-eared morons, the Semaphore Workers Club manages to put some of the finest roots musicians and entertainers on stage every weekend - Friday and Sunday. Try it - you'll like it. And if you don't, you can fuck off back to the doof-doof machine.

Saturday June 6 will have little big band pan!c grinding away at the Norwood Hotel, churning out more pop and rock tunes than you can chuck a stimulus package at. Michael Hillie Hill on goitres and vocaloids, and Paul Hemorrhoids-afire Garner on diaphragms and vocalips,  will be joined on stage by David Rocky Rhodes on Bass goitre to bring the Norwoodians some of the brightest moments of pop music history. Live music runs from 9pm -12 midnight on Saturdays.

Ummm... do you think that - in the first post - I was a little harsh about "doof-doof DJ's" and the poor saps that follow them around? I prolly was. 'Cos it's probably a bit like ... well, a bit like expecting more from a politician. We know they are weak in the head and useless as speed bumps in a shipping lane, that's why they do what they do - profit from other people's work and creativity. Hmmm. come to think of it, I don't reckon I was harsh enough. But, I will save it for later, when the proper shit-filled derision can be more easily mustered.

Meanwhile, the Kings of Swing, the Lords of the Lindy-Hop, the Balboa Barons, the Jitterbug Jesters, the... the ... somebody please stop me before I say the Chuckling Chumps of the Charleston (Help!!) or the Butt-Buggers of the Black Bottom Boogaloo! Ahhhh fuggit!! It's out there now and I pacifically asked you to stop me. Anyway, Blues Avenue, those really noice guys of the swinging blues stuff  - Sweet baby James Meston and Denis The Preacher Surmon  - will be swinging like grandma's tits at the Bacchus Bar on Saturday June 6.

Now, here's where it all gets stupid. Sunday June 7 and Monday June 8 is the Sea and Vines festival in the Southern Vales. And, down at Maxwells Winery, McLarenVale, we have... wait for it... by popular vote (all sms voting messages were charged at a per-second  rate that will scare the freakin' pants off yer when the bill comes in). .. the band chosen for this year's Sea and Vines blow-out at Maxwells winery... in - or just right next to the McLarenVale township... your vote... you chose them.... with all others eliminated.... the band left standing... THE FUKKIN" GROUSE!!!!! WhooooHooo. Waytogo.... WOW! Yea! Wolfwhistle etc etc. Music entertainment at Maxwells starts at around eleven o'clock and goes till 5pm. Start making plans now to get down to Maxwells for the Sea and VInes only, this time, could you please be a bit better behaved? And no pissing on the wheels of my van like some turd did last year; nearly choked on ammonia dust when I stepped on the brakes at the breatho station on the way home. Use the Portaloos, that's what they're for. If you want to know more about Maxwells look at Maxwells website: http://www.maxwellwines.com.au  or here for the Sea and Vines: http://www.seaandvines.com/seaandvines.   See you at Maxwells.