Well… I’ve waited and I’ve waited and now, at last, I see what my dear old great granddaddy meant when he said: “What’s taking you so long in the shower, boy? Are you still cleaning that thing? You’ll wind up looking like a fukken yabby with one arm bigger than t’other if you don’t stop….” Just a moment. It was the other thing he always said which was: “Them websites won’t write them-fukken-selves, yer creepy little pervert!”
So, here it is - late in the day, late in the week, month, year…Life -  that I am finally doing the work, myself.

If there’s only one thing you do this weekend – apart from interfering with yourself in the shower – you have to get to the Gov on Sunday afternoon/evening (October 18)  for Surf’s Up. A goddam, stompie-womping, toe-hanging, white-watering blow-out with Surf Fiction, Double Wammy and GT Stringer. Doors open at 5.30, cheap as all get-out to get in, check the Gov website for more info.

 Even if you have been to the for a Sunday afternoon of Roots, Blues and RnB music, make your day complete by paddling over to the Gov, chucking some small bills at the door hound, and shaking out the sand in your crack to the stomping, wipey-outering –--- jeez, I’m sick of this already. Please come over and we'll all be your friend. Forever. Maybe.

Looking ahead – into the future... in fact, Dr Dan the Prettyfukkenamazing invites you to look into this crystal ball with me - him...

Now, what do we see up ahead? Wait! I’m getting a message from my spirit guide, Billy One-Nut, a famous chief of the Nadbag tribe that hangs around near the old Chocolate Motorway…Wait... He’s calling to me ….It’s a bit hard to hear him but I know he’s saying something…. What? Speak up Billy… What? 'Take... the old…cotton…buds … out .. of... your... rear'  Eh?  ...oh, ‘ear’   Well, I’ll be jiggered. I’d forgotten about them; musta left em stuck in me pinking shears after I washed me hair last month.

That’s better, now I can hear what he’s saying. What’s that, Billy One-Nut? You want to tell us about a bonza gig in the near future? Ok, but say it in a spooky voice and like it was an advertisement on the teeva…

'Honky Tonk Angels - Loretta Lynn Tribute Show is on again!

Honky Tonk Angels– The Loretta Lynn Story will be playing at the Port Noarlunga Arts Centre on Friday, 6th November. Starts 8:00pm and ticket price is $25 ($20 concession). To book call: 8326 5577

Come along and snap your panty elastic to some beautiful country music by Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Tammy Wynette, Patsy Cline, Kenny Rogers, Conway Twitty as well as hits by Shania Twain, Melinda Schneider, Gretchen Wilson and the Greatest Country sheila Singer of all, Mandy More. (What’s that Billy?) Oh. Sorry  – the Greatest Country Sheila Singer of all… Many More.

Saddle up your millipedes and git out there and support local theatre and local artists, folks and folkesses. Amber and The Hellraising Band would love to see ya and take all ya fukken money! (Billy OneNut talks a bit like I do. I sorta taught him English)

Honky Tonk Angels stars: Amber Joy Poulton as Loretta Lynn
Amber is a Toyota Starmaker Top 10 Grand Finalist 2009
www.myspace.com/amberpoulton
www.amberpoulton.bigcartel.com

Goobye Dr Prettyfukkenamazing, my work here is doooooooonnnnnne... Everyone will come along and the pockets of Teepee theatre management will be bursting with wampum"

Billy’s going now, back to his tribal ground to polish his totem pole. He likes doing that. Thank you and goodbye Billy One Nut. Now…turn on the light please, Amelia… HEY! Where is everybody? And who stole my fukken crystal ball? That cost me a fortune you lousy pricks! My iPod! Where’s my iPod? You bastards….. Oh... Jeezus H Fukken Crumbs... now there's ectoplasm all down the front of me caftan.