Open Mic Night
Wednesday, 12 September 2012

More Spring weather and there’s even more free gigs to play. Open mic nights. Tell me… who would actually be in the audience of an ‘open mic’ night apart from the hopeful ‘talent’? And where does it end???? The Entertainment Centre hosts open mic night? Twenty thousand fukwits bring their guitars and harmonicas hoping for a jam because the management doesn’t want to pay a performer. You’d be better off staying home and watching the X fukken factor.

Sample ImageStill…. There are some places that provide musical entertainment that you don’t have to DIY:

Like this:    Thursday September 13 will see Sweet Baby James and Rob Eyers at the Gilbert Street Hotel for an early start (7pm) to an evening of Double Voodoo blues.

 

 

 

Sample ImageHoy-Hoy crank up for their JOLIE BLON, TOUR, the next gig being: Back to the Whitmore Hotel on Friday the 14th. Sept.

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 Sample ImageSaturday September 15 and it's the Steve Brown Band will be playing at the Bacchus Bar Henley Square. It's all go for a 9  pm kick-off!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Sample ImageSunday September 16 the Steve Brown Band will be at the Semaphore Workers Club for a 5 pm to 8 pm session. The Semaphore Workers Club is the Home of South Australian Rhythm and Roots music.

 

 

 

Sample ImageThe Texettes will be at The Exeter Hotel,  September 20 at 9.30pm with support underwear. Sorry, support band the Six Tits.

 

 

 

Sample ImageThe Beggars – fresh (or stale) back from destroying country Victoria will be at the Whitmore Hotel in Adelaide at 4pm Sunday  September 16th.

 

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Friday September 21 the Whitmore Hotel (Whitmore Square) will be featuring Blues Avenue Trio -  Swinging the Blues.

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Sample ImageThe Wheatie: Friday September 21 has The Lonely Cosmonauts.

 

 

 

 

 

Sample ImageKeep an eye out for these gigs at the Semaphore Music Festival… The Dunstans, Saturday, September 29 and Amber Joy Poulton and The Holy Men Sunday September 30. Go here for program: http://www.semaphoremusicfestival.com/sema_programf.htm

 

 

Sample ImageFurther ahead but no less important is the Backwater Blues & Roots Festival October 19 - 28. Go here: http://www.backwaterbluesfest.com/home/ for info. Go here for program: http://www.backwaterbluesfest.com/home/?page_id=21

Backwater is also hosting the 2012 SA Blues Awards at the Queens Theatre, Sunday October 16. Go here for promo Vid: http://www.youtube.com/user/sablues/featured

Go here: for piles of Blues Awards info: http://www.sablues.org/awards2012/blues_awards_2012.htm

And ... watch out for this at the Gov…. tribute to British supergroup Cream on Thursday October 18. Get in NOW! Tickets here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sample ImageGuthries:  Andy and Marta CD Launch of “open Sea”, Friday 14 September, and KRISTINA OLSEN (USA) SINGER-SONGWRITER & AUTHOR - Saturday 15 September

http://www.folkfederation.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&layout=blog&id=1&Itemid=13

 Guthries is located at 126 Prospect Road, Prospect at the Prospect Town Hall

 

LOOKING AHEAD............

‘Pumpin’’ Paul Hay and Jan Preston present:  Boogie Woogie Down Under House Party –

 

On Saturday the 6th October on the grand piano at the home of Andre and Susan Skujins, Australia’s Queen of Boogie Woogie, Jan Preston will pay tribute, along with special guest, Paul ‘pumpin piano’ Hay, to some of the great blues players of the last 60 years as well as remind everyone that the tradition is still a vibrant and active part of the blues world.

 

When : Saturday October 6th 2012

Where : Jikara Drive – Glen Osmond

Limited Bookings – Telephone 83795102

Ticket Price : $20 advance or $30 at door

 

Phone for Bookings. Boogie Woogie Down Under House is a Variety Club initiative by Susan nd Andre Skujins

 

 

Sherluck fukken Holmes and the cricketer’s balls

“Watson,” shouted Holmes, “Shift your lazy arse… we’ve been summoned to Lords!”

“I say, Holmes, Old Man… I haven’t yet made my will. I wasn’t expecting to pop orf so soon.”

“Not to The Lord, you fukken Victorian dunderhead… to Lords - the cricket ground. Lestrade has informed me there’s been an incident!”

And an ugly incident it was. Famous ill-tempered batsman W.C. Disgrace was lying dead on the gymnasium floor, his nuts smashed to a pulp, his head stove in and five cricket balls shoved up his arse.

“I say, Holmes… that looks decidedly ugly, old man…”
“So does your good lady’s feminine segments when she’s got the painters in, I’ll wager, Watson, but we still have to get on with the job, eh…  my good fellow?”

“Well, I tend to leave that to the gardener, Holmes. I can remove a festering canker from a bloated lower colon but there are some things I prefer to leave to the hired help. Do you have any clues…”

“Watson, I’m smarter than a folding umbrella but this is a baffler.”

“Got you stumped, Holmes?” laughed Inspector Lestrade. “Thought it would. It’s a puzzle and more. All in all this case looks harder than hotel soap.”

“It’s merely a case of a rational scientific approach and logical deduction, Lestrade. Tell me… is it Saturday night?”

“No… It’s Chewsdee.”

“Was WC a gymnast?”

“Never, Holmes. He was a protestant.”

“I thought so. And I notice that this is an indoor practice pitch… Was WC getting ready for a big match?”

“Well… he did have his trials coming up on Saturdee for the new league. Do you think he was murdered to keep him out of the competition? Brutally murdered to sabotage England’s game…?”

“That’s a possibility that might occur to a beetle-brained buffoon like you, Lestrade,  but the facts speak for themselves and it’s pretty obvious what they are telling me. Suicide!”

“What????? You must be joking, Holmes….”

“I never tell jokes, Lestrade, except that one about the bloke with two dicks and the fat lady with the double chin - I like that one a fair bit. However, let me explain and pay attention: WC was hoping to make a big showing at the 20-20 tryouts and was sneaking in a bit of secret practice. He had arranged,  behind his wicket, the bathtub… standing on its end – hence there was to be no bathing.

“He has also positioned a trampoline at the other end of the pitch -  it, too, is standing on its end, hence no gymnastics. Now, here’s what happened.

“To practice in secret and not let any bowler know of the advanced style he is developing to cope with the shorter and quicker game he must do the whole show by himself. WC loads up his arse with six cricket balls to suit the Australian over and takes position in front of his stumps. Straining greatly he pops out of his ringpiece the first ball which hits the scoop of the bathtub, rolls up to the other end and shoots over his head towards the bowling end of the pitch where it rebounds from the trampoline and is smartly bowled back down the pitch - right at him - in order for him to play the ball. It’s patently simple but…  he has neglected to take into account his Farmer Giles.”

“His what???”

“His haemorrhoids, old man… WC was a martyr to piles on his quoit. Allow me to continue… his piles have caught the seam of the ball as it exits his cloaca and imparted a wicked spin which has been accentuated and reversed by the parabolic scoop of the bathtub. Upon rebounding off the trampoline it also received a peppy topspin and WC is offered the perfect reverse-Doosra which surprises and defeats him and smacks him fair in the goolies, crushing his wedding tackle to a bloody pulp, not unlike minced beef as you can see.

“Disgusted with his performance at being bowled out, Nuts Before Wicket on the first ball, and mortified at the thought of having to masturbate with a kitchen spatula, the cricketer dashes his own brains out with his cricket bat, leaving the five remaining balls unbowled and still up his date.”

“Well, I’ll be….”

“You might as well because you certainly haven’t been up till now, Lestrade. Anyhow,  it’s elementary, old fellow. Once you remove the extraneous dross whatever’s left  - no matter how implausible – must be the truth. Now, Watson, lets’ get back home and take some drugs and then there’s a cracking  new granny on that GILF site on the Victorian Interweb I want to show you – I swear it’s your mother…  gone crazy with her new Box Brownie. If it’s not her it’s your Auntie Charlotte! Their moustaches are identical to yours, old Man; it’s a family trait.”